


don't know if i can deny (a sudden desire)

by theriveroflight



Series: Revolutionary Past Holders [2]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: American Revolution, Drama, F/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Miraculous Holders, Period Typical Bigotry, Teamwork, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:49:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23972536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theriveroflight/pseuds/theriveroflight
Summary: Fighting a war on multiple fronts.
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Original Female Character/Original Male Character, Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Series: Revolutionary Past Holders [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1726885
Kudos: 4
Collections: May 2020 - Past Holders





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This one is rated M because it's a little bit more risque than the other one - it's more serious, deals with darker topics...definitely won't have the same comedic element that I hope to integrate into the other one.
> 
> Title from "Sudden Desire" by Hayley Williams, my personal queen.
> 
> Semi-original Tiger powers concocted by Maspers, Rikka, and I via [an ML roleplay server](https://discord.gg/DWnHpjq) I run. Feel free to join us!
> 
> Warning for nonconsensual kissing.

“Longg, open sky,” he said.

“Roaar, be calm.”

The two of them walked together in silence.

“Your house is on the way,” she pointed out. “I can walk home alone. This tiger’s got claws of her own.”

“Alright, Christine. I just want you to be safe.”

“And I will be.”

They kept walking in silence. It might feel uncomfortable, but she just felt secure.

And then they reached his house.

“Goodbye,” he said to her.

She couldn’t explain what came over her in that moment, what sort of spirit possessed her, but she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him.

It slid into place perfectly. And then he pulled away.

“I-” she stuttered over an apology. “I’m sorry. I’ll leave you alone now.”

She dashed away before he could speak. She heard something perhaps asking her to come back, but it was probably just a figment of her imagination.

She found Matthew in the forest, still transformed, climbing among the trees.

“M?” she called to him. “I need to talk.”

* * *

Christine paced in the clearing.

“I’ve made a mistake, M,” she confessed. “He doesn’t even really remember it, I don’t think.”

“What are you talking about, T?” he asked.

“After the last battle, Wyvern and I walked home together.” She hoped she didn’t seem too nervous. She was trying to be casual.

“Okay.”

“And we arrived at his doorstep. And I don’t know why I did what I did, but…”

“T, take your time.”

She dropped her voice to a whisper and stopped pacing. “I kissed him. And it was…”

“More than casual,” he said.

“Yeah.” She resumed pacing. “What am I supposed to do, M? I wanted to tell him, but not like this. And we can’t afford this  _ now,  _ of all times.”

“I know you don’t want to hear this, but I think you made a mistake, too. We need to make sure that we can fight Thomas. And make sure we have Spots on our side, too.”

She turned to face him. “You know Spots in person, right?” 

“She’s the little sister of one of my  _ friends.”  _ It was hard to tell with his skin tone and the darkness of the woods at night, but the tone of his voice told her that he was flustered.

“Friends, huh?” She knew about his…proclivities. But she won’t turn him in. Lord knows that she could be accused of plenty of offenses. And the team needed Matthew if they’re going to make their breakaway.

“Don’t,” he growled at her. “It’s your mistake. You need to fix it, T. I’m not going to fix it  _ for  _ you. And I was the one that selected her for consideration by Thomas. She’s  _ good.  _ And she’s on the American side. He knows that, too, and he’ll try to persuade her first, but I can talk to her. In a way that none of the rest of us can.”

“Okay, M. I can talk to him. I can do that much, at least. But I need you to get him to talk to me. I don’t think he’ll want to talk to me.”

“You two were selected to be partners, T. You can trust each other. If you don’t have that…”

“I know. A divided team doesn’t function as well.” She stopped pacing again. “I don’t want to retire. I know I made a mistake. I’m just hoping that our partnership as wielders is enough to keep us working together. He might not feel the same way as I do, but he’s still our teammate, M. I should never have jeopardized that in the first place.”

“You know, I want to be kinder, but everything you’re saying is true. He might still surprise you, though.”

“You don’t know how he feels,” she pointed out. “I mean, neither do I, but that’s the point of this whole dilemma in the first place. I  _ don’t  _ know how he feels. And that’s the most important part.”

“I’m just saying. There’s a possibility that he doesn’t feel the same, and a possibility that he does. You never know until he asks. The point is, you two are solid. Even if your feelings are unrequited, both of you will find a way to work through it because you’re best friends first and foremost.”

“M, how do you always know what to say? You’re, like, the most dysfunctional person I’ve ever known.”

“Clearly less dysfunctional than  _ you _ ,” he teased. “I, for one, have a semi-functioning relationship.”

“To a guy who’s going to get married eventually.” She glared at him.

“I mean, we’re both aware of that fact,” he answered. “So it doesn’t mean that we’re dysfunctional. It just means that we’re both aware of how temporary our relationship is.”

“And you’d be okay with it ending?”

He sighed. “It’s the reality of this world. It has to be a secret, and that means to blend in you have to make sacrifices. You wouldn’t understand.”

“To each their own.” She shrugged. “We should probably get going. Wouldn’t want anyone to be too concerned back at home.”

“Alright, T. I’ll talk to Wyvern before our next session.”

The nicknames are for any prying ears. She knows that his name is Matthew, and he knows that her name is Christine, but the nicknames could easily apply. She  _ chose  _ the name Queen Stripes, but she uses Tiger Queen to explain him calling her T. He chose a name that started with M, but that was before the nickname, so that could just be a coincidence.

“I’ll see you soon, M.”

They parted ways into the lonely night.

_ Dear God,  _ she prayed as she walked,  _ if you’re listening to me, please let everything work out so we can still be a team. _

And she  _ finally  _ went back home for the night.

She did the final evening chores for the night. The rest of the family was asleep already, so she tiptoed around the house as she swept the dirt out the door.

She collapsed into the bed feeling hopeless.

* * *

She awoke at sunrise, feeling mostly just restless. She goes out to tend to the plants in the garden.

“Christine! Someone’s asking for you!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you think it's for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I have never done well with anything that required daily updates of me. I apologize.

She got up and headed over to the door. “James, what are you doing here?”

“Christine.” He fidgeted around on the stoop. “I just…wanted to talk to you about yesterday.”

She sighed.  _ Here we go… _

“Alright. Let’s do it in the garden.” She leads him to the small plot of land they own.

“Did you mean it?” he asked. “Did you want to do...that?”

So he wasn’t going to say it. He seemed embarrassed bringing it up.

It would be for the best if she moved on. If she led them both into moving forwards, away from this.

“I think it would be for the best if we just…forgot about it. There’s too much going on to stop and think about this. We should forget about it. I know I’ll be trying my hardest to forget about it. It was an impulsive action that I didn’t mean, and I don’t want to hurt you at all.” Some of it’s the truth.

(Many truths and a lie, the lie was that she didn’t mean it. The truth is that she’ll be trying her hardest to forget it, to put it out of her brain.)

He seemed hesitant. “Alright. If you think it’s for the best.”

_ If you think it’s for the best. _

_ If  _ you  _ think it’s for the best. _

She was reading too much into it. She shook her head. She needed to just pull herself together.

“Yeah. We need to focus on what’s imminent. Training Catherine. Making sure she’s on our side.”

“I think she already  _ is,”  _ he answered. “The Guardian said he wasn’t inclined to trust her because of her ‘views’ or whatever that means.”

“Matthew’s the one that selected her. I trust his judgement, most of the time, if it weren’t for the fact that she’s the sister of his...paramour.”

“I don’t think his judgement would be clouded by that, in hindsight.”

“And she has the makings of a good holder. But this is still a setback. Now we have to train her before we make our move, or else she’ll stay with him instead of coming with us.”

“Christine.” He placed his hands on her shoulders. “Calm down a bit.”

She took a deep breath. “Okay. I will.”

“We’re going to be okay, right? That’s what I came here to make certain.”

“Of course, James.” And she tried to smile and make it true but it came out more bittersweet than happy.

“I’ll see you later, then.” He briskly exited the garden, leaving her with just the plants again.

* * *

Boston got even more restricted in the coming months. The Guardian tracked more and more towards the British side with every act that got passed.

Miraculous users were supposed to support justice. And what the British are doing wasn’t justice.

(She supposed that maybe it depends on your perspective.)

The Congress said that they should avoid British goods. She was already doing that. But they were  _ still  _ talking about making peace.

They shot people to serve their purposes. There was  _ death  _ involved. And Christine can’t be a hero for those kinds of people. True, things are more complicated than that, but she’s supposed to be a hero, so…they’re meant to stand up for what’s right. Sure, from the British perspective they’re doing what’s right, but she’ll be doing what’s right, too.

And if the others hadn’t agreed, she would have left on her own. They couldn’t take her if they tried their hardest. A bit conceited, but James would be too divided to fight her and if it’s her against Matthew she  _ wins.  _ Tiger is greater than common house cat. She would always fight for what she thought was right. She wouldn’t let anyone else decide her moral compass for her.

War was coming. And every day there were acts of rebellion that ended in people getting confronted by the soldiers making  _ her  _ city into a hellscape.

“Roaar, shake the earth.”

To help the people.

To protect and serve.

* * *

“Leave them alone!” She leapt down from a chimney. A couple  _ kids.  _ Did these soldiers know mercy? Did these soldiers know anything besides follow the leader?

The kids looked fearfully at her. The taller one - she assumed older, but she didn’t know for sure - was holding the shorter (and probably younger) one behind her. “Go,” she told them. The kids stood, paralyzed.

“Now, lady, I don’t know what your deal is-”

“They’re  _ kids.  _ They didn’t ask for this. What sort of crime can a pair of kids commit?”

The pair ran off. The soldier brandished his bayonet at her. He couldn’t fire at close range, and that dull blade would hardly do anything to whatever magical material the suits were made of.

“They’re stealing.”

“Aren’t you soldiers here to stop a rebellion, not police us?” The claws on her gloves would work. She could shred through that  _ blazing red coat- _

“You know, lady, I wasn’t going to take you in, but now I think I have to.”

“Careful.” She smirked. “This one has claws. And they’re sharp.” She doesn’t use the scimitar at her back.

“And what use are claws if you don’t use them?” he taunted. The artificial tail that comes with the costume flicked.

She swiped at that blood red woolen coat, slashing through, but making sure she spared the skin.

“That’s a warning.” She began to walk away. “Threaten kids again and I’ll draw blood.”

Dear Lord.

Her impulsiveness could become the death of them all. But she refused to regret helping out those kids.

“Stripe lady!” she heard one of them call. “Thanks for helping us!”

She walked over to them. “You’re welcome. Stay away from the mean men in the red uniforms, okay? They won’t help you.”

“Alright,” the older sibling answered. “Thank you again. I wouldn’t want our parents to worry about us.”

“Of course.”

At least the kids were grateful. Once the word got out that it was her that threatened a Redcoat (and the Guardian learned about it), they would have to move up their plans for the coup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) Average houses in Boston probably didn't have yards then, but you never know. Christine's family is probably rich. It won't really come up.  
> 2) "paramour" -- Matthew and Cathy's brother are fucking. This gets *complicated* later.  
> 3) Timeskip -- the Intolerable Acts were passed during the Timeskip. They sucked.  
> 4) "Congress" refers to the First Continental Congress, comprised of delegates from every state except Georgia.  
> 5) "Shot people" -- references the Boston Massacre.  
> 6) Redcoats: yes, British soldiers at the time wore red to cover for the fact that they were bleeding. It made them very conspicuous.  
> 7) Bayonet: A blade that could be mounted onto one's rifle. Most soldiers didn't have pistols, and the bayonet was used as a weapon in close combat.  
> 8) Tiger transformation phrases -- kind of related to the powers. I can't wait to show them off. This Miraculous, at least how we've made the powers, is suited towards Christine well.


	3. OUTLINE / DISCONTINUE NOTICE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story will be discontinued as I've lost interest in the world and writing it. These characters might get cannibalized into another story, but for now I'm going to share my outline of what would've happened to this story.

So, we were going into the war. Christine and James are putting aside the Unresolved Tension for another day.

That other day doesn't come anytime soon for them.

The Guardian recruits a couple loyalists - pay attention to the Horse one, she's going to be important in the other story. Either way, there's a Horse and a Bee around. Somewhere along the line, probably after a battle, they have another makeout session and they continue to not talk about it. 

Eventually, they get to talk about it. The war is still raging around them, so they put off developing a romantic relationship until after the war is over. The four of them get to defeat the Guardian _before_ Yorktown (which is traditionally considered the last battle, even though there were some minor skirmishes afterwards because the news of the treaty hadn't been given yet).

They take control of the Miracle Box; Matthew ends up as the new Guardian. If I'm being honest, the Christine/James arc is a lot less complicated than the arc with Matthew and Catherine and I like Matthew and Catherine better as characters, so if you're reading the companion story this chapter will probably be longer for them because I'm biased.

I am working on the concept for another ML story with OCs, so these characters could make a cameo in that or whatever. I think it would be cool. Stay tuned.

I'm really sorry. Lack of inspiration, and the fact that I don't have enough tie to dedicate to daily updates both contributed to the end of this story. Also, I don't think I planned this story enough - I barely have a grasp on James's personality, and although it's a really cool concept that I was almost...starstruck by, I have never done well with daily events. So this is the end of this story. I'm not going to try again on it, but I'm still interested in _some_ of these characters, so they'll probably get cannibalized into my other ML + OCs WIP.

Have a great day/night/wherever you are, and goodbye!

**Author's Note:**

> [ Join the ML Fanfiction Server!](https://discord.gg/mlfanworks)
> 
> Follow me online:  
> alto-tenure - main Tumblr  
> the-river-of-light - visual art Tumblr  
> beunforgotten - writing Tumblr  
> riiveroflight - Twitter


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